Scary Neighbor Laws

Today someone mentioned to me how their daughter lives next door to one of my friends, and then she told me how he's a pretty scary person to have as a neighbor. My friend is rather large and his appearance implies a very cantankerous disposition.

"I agree. I wouldn't want to live next door to him," I said.

"He's always outside with his dog, and he doesn't look very approachable," the woman explained.

"I wouldn't approach him," my brother said, "he'll never stop talking if you start up a conversation with him," he continued.

"Really! He doesn't look at all friendly," she explained.

"I'd want him out of my neighborhood. You should start a petition to have him removed from the neighborhood," I said.

She laughed and I thought, why not? Why must people live next door to those they find unacceptable in their neighborhoods? I'm sure her daughter paid good money for her home and she shouldn't have to look out her window and see my friend, and his unkempt, sloppy body walking around in the backyard and walking past huge mounds of dog shit. I know my friend and I guarantee he doesn't pick up any of his dog shit, unless he's using the bottoms of his shoes to do so.

I wonder if I can do anything to have my friend removed from her neighborhood. I'm sure I would be rewarded monetarily because her property value would go through the roof. Maybe I'm onto something. I wonder if there's a bad neighbor or scary neighbor law of some sort. They don't let people put cars on cinder blocks in front of their homes so why should weird looking people be allowed to roam freely. At least make people like my friend stay indoors.