Men buying tampons

I made the mistake of asking my girlfriend if she needed anything from the store today, and she told me she needed tampons and I told her she can forget about it. I told her there is no way she really needs tampons and that she's just messing with me. She insisted and said, "Everybody knows they're not for you so what's the big deal?"

"Well, I'm going to Costco and I don't feel like lugging around an industrial sized box of tampons," I said.

I've never in my life purchased any feminine menstrual products and I didn't need my first outing making me look like I'm coaching a women's sports team and getting them ready for a long road trip. Maybe a small box I could hide under my big box of oatmeal but where would I hide a big box of tampons? I told her I'd see and she told me what kind to get, which also sucks because now, not only do I have to buy tampons, but I have to get a certain kind, eliminating my plan of closing my eyes and knocking the closest box into the shopping cart.

Of course, I bought everything on my shopping list then made a few passes through the soap aisle and tried peaking over to see if I could spot the proper tampons. I kept looking to the tampons and then to the check out lines. I needed to make sure there wasn't a long line that would require me to stand with the tampons too long. I needed to treat these things like a bomb about to explode within minutes, and move it out of the store as quickly as humanly possible.

I grabbed the things and buried them under my frozen fruit and cans of tuna. I spotted an older gentleman working a checkout and made my way towards him. I chose the older man because he's probably purchased his share of tampons and he's the least likely to judge. If all the registers were being worked by college kids, my girlfriend would be stuffing toilet paper down her pants because I would have bailed.

The man rang me up and the total came to 131 dollars. Shit! The damn tampons sent me over my budget. I only took 120 dollars with me. Now I have to make a quick decision and eliminate something from the bill and it can't be the tampons.

I smiled at the gentleman and said, "Can you take the garbage bags off the bill? I only brought 120 dollars with me and the tampons are a must. If I don't get the tampons, it won't be a good week."

I left with the tampons and immediately sent my girlfriend a text: You better enjoy those tampons because I had to dump the trash bags at the checkout counter because they sent me over my intended budget.

I swore I'd never in my life buy tampons and now I've become a little bitch. Maybe I need some tampons.